::Thinking::Emotions::Behaviour::

trust

2009-03-24T16:07:00.002+08:00

so now u r bestie with them la...
good...
i thought u used to hate them...
i thought u dont like to eat lunchie with them...
so now u can eat with them on one table la...
so u enjoy urself??
i hope u do...
if not, i hope u r torturing urself...

whatever la...
i cant be bothered with u...

i must say...
i lied...
u r not one of the colleagues i trusted...
but it's not because i dont trust u...
it's because i can't trust u...
u r not nasty...
u do not use dirty method...
but because i know u...
u r too soft...
too easily to be lead on...
to easy to be taken in...
by others...

so i cant trust u...
im sorry...
but i cant...

if u r nv my colleague...
im sure i know i can always trust u...
outside this world...
i mean working world...
u will always be trusted by me...
im sure...

it's just that we spent majority of our time in the working world...

unhappy 2

2009-02-24T10:42:00.002+08:00

i dont know why...
i think im starting again...
the 'me' that doesnt like to communicate...
at work...
except work stuffs...
so i dont have any work stuffs to talk to her about...
so i refuse to communicate...

and when i didnt talk to her...
cause i cant think of any to talk to her...
she didnt talk to me either...
i mean we can sit on the table eating with zero conversation...
unless i start some small talk...
what the hell manx...
cant she think of something to say...
why must it always be me...

i know i know...
she will probably say i dont feel like talking so she keeps quiet lor...
dont disturb me...
argh...
this sux manx...

whatever manx...
im gonna do what my mood feel like doing...
dont wanna talk then dont talk...
argh...
cant force me to think of something to talk when i cant right...
i dont wanna talk abt personal stuffs either...
work place = work...

maybe it's because someone kinda spread out something that i tried to hide...
and im kinda affected by it...
-argh-

unhappiness

2009-01-13T11:16:00.002+08:00

having headache again...
=(
stomach isn't feeling well recently also...
=(

im not myself at work since i came back to work...
in a state of refusal to communicate...
and in fear...
fear of saying the wrong things...
and some stuffs reminds me of unhappy stuffs...

in a state of denial last week...
it's like im stuck in a box...
knowing that ive to get out and see the big picture...
yet im unable to do so...
the feeling sux cause it feels like suffocating...

i know i know...
the whole problem probably just lies with me...
majority part...
nobody else is at fault...
it's just me la...
my character, thinking, behavior & attitude just clashed...
it just upset me...
like a scar...

i really don't understand...
why why why...
why did i reply the way i do...
why did i even reply in my heart sliently...
this is no good...
really bad...
it just made me more 反感 towards her...
and i just can't...

if she is a nobody...
i won't be feeling the way i do...
but she is a somebody...
and i do not want to give up anybody just to make her a nobody...
what the hell manx...

i really dont know what is wrong with me...
she is not a bad person...
in fact, she is a nice person...
too nice a person...
and this is the first time im upset over someone that is nice...
that is nice to me...
argh...

i know that she is suffering cause of me now...
probably...
she probably wondering what did she do wrong to be treated like that...
ya la ya la...
i sux...
i shld not treat her the way i do...
i shld treat her the way i did in the past...
but everything changed...
overnight...

i need to forgive...
but maybe not forget...

how can i forget...
someone who nearly made me lose the person i love and cherish...
and that person love and cherish me too...

how can i forget...
someone who made me hate myself... blame myself...
and i hate to hate or blame myself...

how can i forget...
someone who indirectly caused so much unhappiness in me...
just days before i turned 21...
and days after i turned 21...

i know i know...
it's always me, myself and i...
im a self-centered person...

but im the kinda person who life = happiness...
who love myself more than anything on earth...
who memories are the most impt things...

and now they are destroyed...
at least temporary...

nobody will understand the pain inflicted in me...
nobody will understand how 痛苦 im feeling...
how sick i feel...
how upset i feel...

how i tried hard to hide whatever im feeling...
but i know that i will not be able to hide all that im feeling...
how i feel that it's useless to cry over it after i cried for a few hrs...
and tears never come out again...

she said that she is only scared that im angry with her...
what she doesnt know is that i cannot be angry with her!!!

i want to hate her...
but i can't...
i want to be angry with her...
but i can't...
i want to be upset with her...
but i can't...
i want to ignore her totally...
but i can't...
i want to tell her off all my unhappines...
but i can't....
i want to speak out my mind...
but i can't...

i hate it
i hate it
i hate it

i hate what im feeling now...
i hate that i can't get outta the box...
i hate for thinking what im thinking...
i hate for feeling what im feeling...
i hate for what im replying...

ARGH!!!!

i feel like im falling sick soon...
i feel like im breaking down soon...

the only pillar im holding to now...
is my dear...
he's been really nice and patience to me recently...
thanks dear...
and im sorry for everything...
i just have to rant...

-.- life like that -.-

2007-03-21T00:30:00.000+08:00

recently, lots of things happen... sianzz~

PHENOMENA ????

2006-09-19T10:49:00.000+08:00

PHENOMENA ????

Okay.. Singaporean have 3 Ks... Kia-Su, Kia-Si and K-po... well.. i'm still proud being a Singaporean despite that.. but the point is.. it's not rare to see aunties fighting for offer stuffs at heartland shopping mall; markets or even orchard road... but i see this [see pic] at Liang Court..

it's not a place where people always come.. neither is there much things to shop except Audio House.. but the whole stack of shoes + shoes boxes just collapse like this.. in a few mins time.. wth right? how can they buy or even find shoes in this way?

Moreover, Liang Court is a place visted by most tourists; esp japanese as there is a japanese supermarket.. and it's a hotel that tourists stay.. Singapore has really created a "good" impression.. i'm totally like speechless when i see it.. omg.. and i swear.. i saw some tourists joined in the "fun" as well..

well.. it might be something fresh to the tourists.. maybe they do not even have that kind of situation back in their country.. but my qns is .. is it something we should be proud of or not? haix.. i wonder.. if we shld be proud of it, i'll join in next time.. >_<

i still love Singapore.. and being a Singaporean.. and i love Sales of cuz.. but this is not the way to "shop" for sales items.. it isn't shopping anymore..

-..- Cockroaches In TIB Bus -..-

2006-09-19T10:38:00.000+08:00

-..- Cockroaches In TIB Bus -..-

that day i was going home in a TIB bus and this is what i saw.. [see pic] it's not the first time i saw it already.. and i believed many other people saw it.. but did anyone report it? i feedback to the TIB Company.. and they replied saying they will send the bus back to the deport.. oh well.. so did Singaporean pay more for bus fare; just for this kind of bus? Like i said in my previous post, increase in bus fare did not affect me much.. because i'm still using concession.. but in another 5mths time, i'll be using adult ez-link card.. Better don't let me experience that again.. this is SINGAPORE.. not other countries.. so in this Beautiful, Green City; this is not ALLOWED!!

Ridiculous People!!!

2006-09-11T16:19:00.000+08:00

!!! Ridiculous People !!!

i can't believe singaporean can be this worse.. - spitting on the buttons in the lift !!
HOW CAN THEY DO THAT?!

IT'S SO DISGUSTING!!!

i doubt this person stayed in my block.. because he/she is just being so inconsiderate.. even if it's done by a KID... but... what's school teaching nowadays?! what about their parents?! oh my god..

I wonder what they are actually thinking about?!!!

::..:: Mystery Death ::..::

2006-09-07T13:27:00.000+08:00

why is it that there is so much mystery death happening ? haix... it's really saddening... a uncle and niece died together in the car park... but they are nt lover.. haix.. and what is the reason for them dying? nobody knows.. why do people hide the truth to their death? i've always been preparing for death.. leaving notes to people... my last words... i wonder.. dun they have anything to say to anyone? they loved ones? their husband? their kids? they are so weird.. or am i the one being weird...

today, i read the newspaper and there is this boi who die due to a mystery fever.. what had exactly taken him away from the mortal world? is it really the fever? a fever that even the doc cannot cure? it's really sad.. he got such a bright future.. maybe it's because he studied too hard... i wonder... in his 15yrs of life... had he enjoyed himself? hmm.. to me, studying isn't enjoyment.. but maybe to him, it is.. My deeply consolation for his family...

life is really weird.. unpredictable.. u might die anytime.. without urself knowing.. haix.. it's really better to cherish everyday as though your last day on earth.. and creating more beautiful n happy memories for ur loved ones.. and doing everything u want.. living life to the fullness... like that, we wun have regrets when we die le bah... and we'll be remembered..

what do u think? do u fear death? are u prepared? what if ur time is limited on earth?
if u have only 1 choice, 1 moment to make 1 memory lasts forever, what will u do?

New Changes / Law...

2006-07-21T16:24:00.000+08:00

=..= Changes in Singapore =..=

This month - July... There are so much changes.. the change i like most is from 1st July '06, majority of the coffee shop will be ban from smoking.. this means that i will hav fresher air while i'm eating my food! yippee.. it's = better appetite..! I'll avoid the smoking area.. what about u? if u wanna kick out smoking, it's good to sit in the non-smoking area.. cuz u wun dare smoke due to FINE.. lolz..

the change that i hate most is taxi fare increase.. =( because although i hav both bus n train concession, i always take cab too.. argh! now it just mean that i gotta try my very best not to take cab..

imagine if u call for a cab during peak hour to go to city area.. the amount you got to pay is $9.50 before he even drives... that's so argh..
oh well.. after the fare have increase, i've taken cab a few times.. =X **broke**

imagine.. i go school b4 the fare increase is abt $10.. now, i go school during a non-peak hr is abt $12.. and i go school during peak hour is $17.. so much $$ difference leh!! well.. cannot let my parent know that i took cab to school [cuz i woke up late!] otherwise, will kanna scolding.. just cuz cab fare increase.. =(

Anyway, i seriously don't mind spending on cab.. because i understand that the petrol increases too.. but the drivers must be of BETTER SERVICE mah.. gosh.. nowadays, most ppl value SERVICE more than MONEY.. [ermm.. for me lah]

u serve me well, i pay u at this price, i don't mind.. b4 the cab fare increases, i always give tips to the taxi uncle if they drive well with good service.. not that i'm RICH.. but it's onli a few cents i lose..

there is this time.. recently only.. after the fare increase.. i took a cab home from my dear's hse at night.. and that driver trying hard to open his eyes while driving.. and at one time, his eyes were CLOSING! and every traffic lights he stopped, he will SNOOZE!! i'm so damn scared that i will meet with a car accident..

WHAT KIND OF SERVICE DO U CALL THIS? i'm darn disappointed...

i did nt report him cause i've been very very busy.. hopefully he get his karma.. but nt involving the innocents..

oh well.. otherwise changes i ain't quite bother about them.. haha.. oh well..

:: Asian Kitchen ::

2006-06-19T11:02:00.000+08:00

:: The Asian Kitchen ::

went to The Asian Kitchen to eat last last fri 9/6/06.. It's located @ City Link..

had prawn patties for side dish.. it's very nice.. when u bite it, it's taste 'wow' to me.. never regret ordering that.. perhaps u guys shld try it if u going to The Asian Kitchen one day.. haha..

for such chinese restaurant.. how can we go w/o ordering dumpling.. had pork dumpling.. xiao long bao.. there are soup inside.. taste nt bad.. but abit salty.. haha.. but i still love it.. if u don't compare with those more famous chinese restaurant like yum cha la..

tried the zha jiang mian.. taste nt bad compare to food court.. but the price is double than food court.. cost 7 bucks.. it's serve in a bowl.. that's why after i stir it, the 'zha jiang' all go to the bottom.. and i can hardly eat the noddle with the 'zha jiang'.. so finally complete the noodle, i had to eat the 'zha jiang' w/o the noodle.. haha.. it's taste nice.. but i tink will be nicer if it's well-blend with the noodle.. (maybe it's because i don't know how to stir well bah)

after eating those 3 dishes, i am pretty full already but since had already ordered the desert, i got no choice but i eat it.. i've order mixed fruit sago which cost $6.50.. thought it will be pretty big bowl.. i feel full thinking of it.. lolz.. but when it came.. it's actually very small bowl.. gosh.. like my baby cousin's bowl.. lolz.. which is good la.. cuz i'm very full (think they know).. lolz.. just that the price don't match the size.. haha.. but it's yummy.. cuz the fruit is fresh.. nt like it's been left there for very long..

lastly, still got a drink.. nt mine though.. but i tried it.. i don't like it.. it's red bean milk tea.. perhaps it's because i do not fancy red bean at all.. that's why.. but for those who loves red bean, can try it.. i guess it's will amaze u..

well.. give some comments on my tag board if u have been to The Asian Kitchen before.. worth going if u never go before.. however, all above are just my own taste buds feeling.. your taste buds might feel differently.. haha..

== Farm In Sg? ==

2006-06-09T10:33:00.000+08:00

== Farm In Sg? ==
is there any farm in singapore? i wonder when i wakey early in e morning.. perhaps it's because after today, holiday for two weeks le.. i'm still wondering where in singapore that's interesting and i haven't been to yet.. quite a few places i wanna go.. don't tell u all where.. when i went there already, then i blog about it.. but then, i wonder whether singapore have farm which i can feed the chicken.. see them laid egg.. etc.. haha.. that will be interesting.. being a country gal instead of a city gal.. keke..

maybe a place where i can plant my own tree.. and pluck fruit from the tree.. it will be so interesting.. it's something which i have never done in my life.. hmm.. somehow, i still thinking what to do with this blog.. it's always filled with my thoughts.. not what i do everyday.. is this good? keke..

well well.. for this holiday.. i think i will blog on interesting places in singapore.. but i think most of it, u guys should heard before.. since singapore is so small.. lolz.. and oso will blog abt interesting food found in singapore.. for your info, i love to eat.. though i'm scared of fat.. actually, i got quite a few in mind which i have eaten.. i will try to blog during my holiday.. =)

be patient.. today is my last day of exam.. after 5pm.. i am free.. at least for the two weeks of holiday.. cuz i think i will flunk some of my modules and need to retest when term started again.. sad case.. i'm be back.. soon~

:=: eNvY :=:

2006-06-08T22:42:00.000+08:00

:=: eNvY :=:

i dare to say...

i'm one of those more blessed and fortunate...

but y do i still envy others?

i envy their happiness...

i wonder why... ...

cuz.. i've such happiness too...

>> Fat & Ugly <<

2006-05-26T15:35:00.000+08:00

i used to like this phrase:

"I'm FAT but you're UGLY;

I can always Slim Down,

What about U?"

...but now i realised...

the one that is ugly is not u........

..:: I'm A Devil ::..

2006-05-26T12:26:00.000+08:00

i am a devil...

...ain't an angel

...evil thoughts haunt me...

...feeling so sinful...

...that's y i'm punished...

...i guess so...

...Rare Phenomenon...

2006-05-16T19:43:00.000+08:00

last thurs, my dear and i went to Marina South to have steamboat.. and at there we saw a rare phenomenon..

well.. we were waiting at the bus stop for bus to come.. and apparently, we waited for about 30mins and the bus weren't here yet.. but the bus stop was crowded with people.. and everybody started hiring cab..

It's was peak hour so there will be an additional charge of $1.. yet everybody still try to get cab.. although the ride to the steamboat place is rather near but it's minimum $3.40 for each ride.. so there was these few cabs whom i must say they are real lucky as they fetch the passengers to the place and then come back to the bus stop again and fetch another batch of passengers.. i think they must have earn at least more than $34, just by going to and fro.. oh well.. what's funny and weird is the way people fight for cabs.. some cross over to the opposite hoping to be the first to grab the cabs that are coming back.. others stand on the road.. everybody is like snatching for cabs.. and when the bus eventually came, everybody tried to squeeze up the bus.. and there are still alot of people who did not manage to get in..sometimes, it's weird when taxi drviers said they have poor business.. because everytime i wanna get a cab, i find it real hard.. no matter i'm in town or heartland area.. and some cabs can just park at places like Marina South where they go lucky by picking up so many customers..

perhaps, it's a good idea to be a taxi driver when u have retired or out of job..

>> The Day Whereby All Went Wrong <<

2006-05-09T14:25:00.000+08:00

It's weird that everything can go wrong in one day.. From the moment u step out of the house to the moment u step out of the school.. i don't wanna believe that this will happen to me but it did today..

When i left house today, i thought i will finally be early for school but it's only a thought eventually.. Upon reaching my bus stop, there i see my bus just go off.. and without much thought, i board onto the other bus to chase my bus.. After three bus stops, i thought there is a higher chance of me boarding my bus so i alighted.. But to my saddness, my bus just went off as soon as i alighted.. *haiz*

Pulling on a black face at the bus stop, and it's real blackie face.. i suddenly realised that i forgotten to bring my laptop.. and the worse thing is i brought the charger.. how stupid can i get? *haiz*

cross the road.. thanks god that my luck did not get worse to the extent that i will get knock down by cars.. hmm.. waited for like 5mins before my bus come.. reached home, got my laptop and finally went down to the initial bus stop again.. and i missed my bus once again.. *sad case totally* giving up hope, i waited patiently for 10mins before my bus came.. **Peaceful ride**

i'm 30mins late for class and my group mates completed our assignment without me already.. so i only went there for project discussion and do a 10 questions survey.. oh yah, that's the reasons why i gotta bring laptop.. it's complusory to bring to do the 10 qns survey.. kinda idiot right?

**class ended** left my laptop with my classmates as i'm going to bank.. **peaceful transaction** while i'm waiting for my bus to go back school, i bought a magazine to read.. saw a bus coming and i remember seeing 184 so i board the bus.. started reading the magazine and when i finally look up after 10mins, i realised i am on the wrong bus.. alighted and saw that it's bus number 189.. how blur can i get? *haiz*

decided to take a cab to school but there is no available cab in sight.. so i walked all the way to a nearby building where there is taxi stand.. the first cab that let the passengers alight did not see me chasing after it and it go off.. luckily there is a second cab.. and that uncle ask me how to go to my school.. i hate such a question.. maybe i misunderstand his intention.. perhaps he is asking me which route i prefers to take.. but it's like to me, i think that a taxi driver should know how to go to any locations.. unless very deserted areas.. and logically, they should know that the passenger definately want to take the route that is fastest to the destination.. cuz if they are not in a hurry, why take cab?! right? Moreover, to us such passengers who do not drive, how do we know whick route to take? oh well, at least i don't know road name.. quite a road idiot..

anyway, it's just a bad bad day for me.. well.. God Bless me for the rest of the day.. Please..

-Angel Devil-